Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Feeling Safe

Quite recently a friend of mine told me about a workshop her friend attended about ‘coping with stress” offered by her employer.   Of all the helpful suggestions she heard, this one incident was what she remembered the most. 

The facilitator was asking the group what they did to reduce stress.  Comments such as ‘alcohol’, ‘food’ and ‘sex’ were called out from the audience.   She then asked ‘who in this group had at least one person they could talk to, just off-load all their worries and fears without any judgement from this other person?’   Out of a group of 40 people representing all ages, gender and backgrounds only 2 people raised their hands!  Her friend was one of them. 

Sadly this is the reality faced by most people!  Some of these people are married!  Some in a steady relationship!  A member of a family!  

Worse yet, if YOU feel you cannot open up to your partner, and your PARTNER likewise feels the same towards you, your relationship is heading for serious trouble. 

Checking synonyms for the word ‘safe’ it gave some very nice alternatives.   ‘Protected’, ‘Out of harm’s way’, ‘In safe hands’, ‘Safe and sound’.    Absolutely, we all want it!

Where did the feeling ‘safe’ disappear to? 

 If you don’t feel safe, protected, or in safe hands, you’ll naturally back away from the other person.  You’ll withhold your feelings so you don’t get hurt, ridiculed, or laughed at.   It’s natural.   And because you’re withholding your feelings, your partner feels that.  And now they don’t feel safe.  They start trying to figure out what they did wrong.  They can’t read your mind to know what the problem is so rather than getting yelled at, ridiculed or laughed at for not understanding, they too pull away from you.    Can you see that there is no happy ending here?

Fearing ridicule by someone they love dearly, they don’t want to appear weak.  It’s all about emotion and communication.

Wouldn't it be awesome to feel safe, protected and in safe hands?! 

I have helped many people overcome this issue; I can be that one person you can talk to.

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