Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
We think we have to achieve something, acquire something or be in a certain relationship in order to be happy. Actually, we don’t need any of these things to be happy. We just need to approach our feelings in a certain way to experience a sense of happiness unrelated to achievement, possession or relationships. That’s called: Unconditional Happiness.
In today’s society there seems to be a huge gap: we are intellectually advanced, but emotionally unaware. The goal of unconditional happiness is to create a balance between intellect and emotion, thinking and feeling, reason and intuition.
Have you noticed that you may have strong negative feelings that you can’t seem to resolve, like: depression, loneliness, anxiety, etc…. You may also be experiencing active emotions such as: anger, jealousy, fear, which erupt from time to time, especially in intimate relationships, where our buttons get pushed the most.
Most of us are locked into fixed, limiting patterns that we find difficult to get out of. Until we release the feelings associated with these patterns, we will be unable to change. For example: Negative feelings cause stress and stress is merely a negative emotion we are unable to release. This does not mean that we can be stress-free all the time. Even in our most positive relationships, we will from time to time experience periods of loneliness.
When we resist an experience, that negative energy gets trapped and held in our emotional and physical body. This in turn leads to suppression. A suppressed emotion goes into the subconscious, and creates a body of unresolved feelings and emotions, waiting to be released. The problem with suppressed emotions is: if we don’t consciously release the feelings, they will start coloring our experience, making us react in unreasonable and destructive ways. Often we blame the other person for our feelings because we are not aware that our own unresolved issues are being triggered.
What is the solution? Not to resist those negative feelings, but to allow yourself to experience them. Know that when you allow yourself to feel the feelings, they will come to a completion and you can then be free of them.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Body consciousness concentrates on materialism, arrogance, greed and violence. It compels you to lay blame and criticize others in order to create the illusion of being okay. Your life is random and undisciplined. You take uncalculated risks, lose your sense of self, live in a state of denial, and reject the voice of your conscience. You get bored with yourself and others. You cry out for love, but can’t recognize it. You get drawn into temptations and emptiness. When body consciousness takes over, you forget who you are and become as the other wants you to be. Your conscience has stopped functioning and you allow unhealthy relationships to occur. Your energy gets drained and your happiness has been robbed. This type of consciousness undermines you and sees no way out of dilemmas. It raises excuses: “I had to because….I could not because ….”, until you are paralyzed and unable to cope.
Soul consciousness means to come to terms with all aspects of your self. To become neutral in the face of good and bad, and focus on your original qualities of purity, peace, power and love. Soul consciousness means to become still and melt away the negativity that presses upon the mind. It makes your intuition sharp and accurate, has meaning and signals you forward. You don’t accept sorrow. Some one may say something hurtful and you immediately rise into your power of tolerance. The electric bolt passes right through you; it does not lodge into your heart.
If you desire to move from body to soul consciousness, you need a set of tools like inner power and attitudes. Ask yourself: what did I do to myself? What was done to me? Put it into perspective; see the origin, emergence and dissolution of all that is happening. Discern the pattern and adjust. Give yourself enough distance to judge accurately through self-examining what reveals the true nature of your motivations.
By changing from body to soul consciousness, you become calm, balanced, centered and beyond storms. Nothing can break your harmony; you are fully integrated in your perfect state of physical and emotional balance.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
One of the simplest definitions of meditation is 'the correct use of the mind'. The aim isn't to deny our thoughts, but to become aware of our mind, gain mastery over our mental activity and generate the highest quality thoughts. With practice, we will be able to slow down our minds and enter the inner space within our consciousness.
People learn to meditate for a variety of reasons. Some desire inner peace, others use it as a part of their quest for truth and understanding, and for some it is the hope of discovering the holy grail of happiness. Meditation is a spiritual, mental, and emotional healing process, with proven benefits to our physical well-being.
The main benefits of meditation are: improved levels of contentment, concentration, creativity and communication.
Surrounded by a highly charged, constantly changing world, we may find it difficult to maintain our attention span for any length of time. When we take the time to explore the real cause of stress, we would find distorted thinking leads to various emotions that we find stressful. Stress and tiredness is a modern disease. If we acknowledge that negative thoughts and stresses are not normal parts of a fulfilling life, than we can reap many rewards from the regular practice of meditation. It helps to balance our physical energies, which allows the body to function more effectively, while improving its ability its heal itself.
The physical benefits of meditation are: reduced blood pressure, increased vitality, better sleep patterns and greater pain control.
Meditation helps us gradually increase self-awareness and awaken who we really are. It is a journey through which we rediscover our natural resources of peace, power and love.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Your spirituality is important to you. Your personal relationship with God (or whatever name you want to give to the Almighty) can give you strength and confidence; comforting you. And your faith can bring you into a close community and provide a sense of belonging.
- Loss of Appetite: Going the whole day without eating for a few days in a row or more than one day in a week.
- Overeating: Eating unhealthy food whenever you are feeling anxious, upset, angry or after something bad happens.
- Sleep Problems: Sleeping too much or too little. If you are sleeping more than 12 hour or less than 2 hours per day. You can alternate between these symptoms.
- Lack of Energy: Running out of energy very early in the day. Feeling lethargic.
- Low Self Esteem: Feeling that you are not worthwhile; believing that you are inferior physically or intellectually.
- Loss of Motivation: Uncaring. Not motivated to take a shower or make a meal or care for your family.
- Poor Concentration. Focusing on the present is difficult as anxious thoughts are invading your mind.
- Feeling Hopeless: Writing off all possibilities and opportunities as doomed from the start.
- Lack of Sex Drive: Disinterested in all intimate contact, especially sex.
- Social Isolation: Pushing others away or feeling uncomfortable around people. It may feel that you need others but that you have no one you can turn to.
- Irrational/Emotional Outbursts: Finding yourself getting angry or upset often. If this is happening regularly, then some of it is irrational or misdirected.
- Disregarding Responsibility: Abandoning anything that causes stress, including people, your job, social responsibilities, etc...
- Substance Abuse: Repetitive or overuse of alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs, etc. Particularly as a way to cope.
- Change your food according to the season.
- Have a daily routine.
- Have spiritual awareness.
- Wake up before the sun rises, you will be fresh and alert and have less depression.
- Clean your aura, in the morning, by moving your palms over your face, head and your entire body, with loving deep breaths. You will fall in love with yourself.
- Pray for a fulfilling and beautiful day.
- Kiss your reflection in the mirror and say "You are beautiful the way you are".
- DON'T use fluoride toothpaste and DO scrape your tongue from back to front to remove dead bacteria.
- Drink a glass of lukewarm water to wash away toxins. then do the So-Ham meditation. mouth the sound "So" on the inhalation, "Ham" on the exhalation, with your feet facing away from the door.
- Focus your attention on your third eye (space between your eyebrows) and visualize light in that spot.
- Massage your body with warm sesame oil (or coconut/sunflower oil ) in the opposite direction of your hair.
- Take a shower with a small amount of soap, dry with a clean towel and wear clean clothes.
- Drink your food and chew your water.
- Go for walks after dinner.
- Don't watch t.v. while eating food.
- Chew fennel or coriander seeds after roasting them.
- Always share your food and don't eat in the dark.
- Burn incense and candles.
- Wash your eyes twice per week, lubricate nostrils daily and at bedtime put warm oil in your ears.
- Dinner should be between 6 and 7 pm, not after sunset.
- Rub your feet with brahmini or brungaraj oil. This will send you to sleep easily.
- Go to bed between 9.30pm and 10.
- Don't eat yogurt on a cloudy, rainy day as it will clog your arteries and increase mucus.
Why is happiness so difficult to hold on to? It seems like we are insatiable, anything that pleases us will eventually become stale. This can be a force for good, it pushes us to do more than rest on our laurels, to go out and succeed in life. There is a huge rush that comes with pursuing feelings of lust, ambition, hate, anger and jealousy; but with it life can become a series of conflicts and problems. It can be easy to lose heart.
You may think: "If have a house and wife/husband, I’ll be happy", only to discover that once you’ve achieved these, you are still dissatisfied after a while, feeling an emptiness within. A void threatening to swallow up everything around you. Lots of people try to fill this void up with their bad habits. Kirstie Alley fills it with food, Charlie Sheen tries to fill it with drugs.
When this desperate discomfort or dissatisfaction spills over into negative behavior, its usually the result of anxiety over a central problem that you are ignoring or completely unaware of.
Finding peace is not just having a few hours or days of tranquility by yourself, but finding a higher state of mind where you are in complete harmony with yourself. The secret here is to find and deal with the root of your real problems. If you have negative body issues for example, then binging on comfort foods will lead you into a vicious cycle, but by actively working to resolve those issues with your body image, you can learn to move past any negative behavior and adopt a healthier lifestyle.
Once you've developed better habits, those troubles that drove you to negative choices will no longer bother you. This can take time and commitment, but the end result is a longer, healthier, happier life.
True happiness is a state characterized by stability and contentedness. Learn to be comfortable with yourself and the world around you, accept that some things in life are beyond your control and find joy in things just as they are.
Repeating poor actions without considering the consequences causes your body to develop unhealthy habits. However, you are not destined to be anything except what you’ve made of yourself through past and present actions. Many of these behaviors are reactions to past trauma and/or coping habits that don't address the issue.
Each morning when you wake up you make a plan that you never follow through on. Somehow you get overwhelmed, or at the end of the race, you find that you never really wanted the prize in the first place. It's time to breathe, take a look at your life, and see that you're on a course for self destruction. If you have stumbled and fallen you can always get up, dust yourself off and continue on a different path. No matter what your present state is, you can change through self control, discipline and altering the way you think.
There are many examples of great men and women who have overcome their personal demons. In his youth Mahatma Ghandi had tremendous anger management problems, prior to his renown as a pacifist, he was actually a very violent man. Terry Fox overcame amputation and mounting health concerns to run his marathon of hope. Usually those who achieve great things also suffer great failures, but they refuse to be trampled by them. You don't have to achieve your country's independence or run across the country on one leg; small steps can turn your life around.
And if you're still having trouble changing your thoughts, check back next week.
People judge us by our outward appearance, but in the long run the way we conduct ourselves is much more important. Once you develop your mind and cultivate appealing inner virtues, clothes become less important.
Mahatma Ghandi proved that the clothes do not always “make the man”. He wore only a loincloth as a way to identify himself with the humble masses of India.
He once arrived dressed that way at a party thrown by an English governor. The servants turned him away at the door, so he went home and sent a package by courier to the Governor. What was in the package? A suit. When the Governor called and asked the meaning of the package, Ghandi replied: “I was invited to your party, but I was not allowed entrance because of my dress, therefore I have sent you my suit instead.” Even during his visit to London, Ghandi went to visit the Queen of England wearing only a loincloth.
Of course, I don't personally recommended that you dress this way. Ghandi had a mission to fulfill and this was part of his role (and his rhetoric).
Clothing in western society, for women especially, is geared towards sexuality. The media and fashion industry makes millions of dollars by convincing us that clothing not only is an outward expression of who you are and what creed you belong to, but also that you need the right clothing to get what you want in life. While this may even be true to some extent, there is definitely too much emphasis placed on our outward appearance.
Take for example, the argument in favour of the burka. While the popular Western sentiment may see this as a symbol of sexual oppression within certain cultures, many women from those cultures will express that wearing a burka frees them from the judgement and sexuality that the rest of the world attaches to clothing and physical beauty.
The point is: while your outward appearance is important, it is far from being the centre of the universe. To give the body too little or too much focus can leave you insecure and unbalanced. What is most important is your mind and behavior. That's what people respond to.
One of the several ways to overcome depression is by spending time helping others who are in a worse shape than you are.
When you feel empty, like you're at the bottom of the barrel, with nothing to give, dark and negative thoughts feed on themselves and you spiral downwards. At that level you may even think that there is no one out there who can help you. That fear is only justified if you don't have the desire to be helped.
If you reverse your thinking through the realization that there are people out there who are worse of than you are. Find them and help them. Here you are coming from a perspective of strength. Even if you don't feel like it, do it anyway! Just like going to the dentist.
You will find that just by the act of helping others, volunteering, you are starting a spiral upwards. Without having to share your story with anyone, you are now being appreciated for who you are and what you can do for others. The sense of gratitude that others may have for you can start a bud opening up, saying: what can I contribute to the world?
Volunteering eliminates fear, focuses your mind and gives you meaning. This in turn will make you feel worthwhile. From here you can start expanding your growth and after a while you will be ready to see someone (therapist) to explore where the darkness originates from and to dissolve it, so that you are able to live in the light.
Continued volunteering will give you a basis for self-esteem and positive energy from which you can explore your inner arena to become a stronger and wiser person, taking one more step towards living a more peaceful life.
In the Eastern philosophy, the world we live in is considered “Maya” illusion. All the world is a stage, and we are merely actors. Wearing a costume, we interact with others who are also wearing their own costume. It’s only when we take off this costume that we come face to face with the core of our identity.
The journey in life is to be aware of who you are under all of the costumes at all times. In an ideal state, this core ought to include feelings of openness, love, acceptance, and self-fulfillment.
When we meet obstacles on our way, we usually see them as issues to “overcome” or alternatively we can say to ourselves: “What do I need to change within myself so that I can deal with this in the most harmonious way”. In this way problems become golden opportunities to evolve into a better person.
That’s why relationships are so great; they place a mirror in front of us, showing us where we stand on our path.
Can you guess what happens when you make a shift within yourself? The behavior of others people changes automatically. In a situation where the victim/controller dynamic occurs, a change of mindset from the victim will result in the controller also making a shift. The controller now needs to look for another button to push. This continues until all the buttons are released, which means that you’ve taken great steps forward on your (hopefully mutual) journey of personal growth.
At times when the issues seem too big to handle, finding a therapist who can provide a safe, non-judgmental place to look into that mirror; assisting you in a gentle way to have the courage and confidence to make the changes needed. Initially, you may only be able to take baby steps, not sure what is inside of you (like being afraid of the dark) only to discover there is no monster there.
Once you discover that it is not so scary, you can speed up the process, until you can love yourself unconditionally. Only when we love ourselves, can we love others. Then it’s not “I want some-one to love me so that I can feel good about myself”, but “I love myself and want to be with someone who also loves her/himself.” That becomes then a journey of growing and evolving together, when partners can help each other to transform; knowing the darker side of the other and still not running away, but working to get to the light.
If you’re the sort of person for whom mantras are effective, an excellent one can be: “I am love; I am perfect exactly the way I am.” The next step is also to see other people as love and perfect, which is a greater challenge.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 – 1882), one of the greatest philosophers of his time, has said: “A man is what he thinks all day long." A man's life is what his thoughts are made of. It is unfortunate that we have not realized the importance of our thoughts.
Our minds are like monkeys: always restless, always wandering and never idle. To exercise control over our thoughts, we must first learn to observe them. Have you noticed that your thoughts never stay on one subject for long? The more your mind is disturbed, the more fickle it becomes. However, being aware of this is the first step in the right direction. You will soon observe that most of our thoughts are concentrated on:
Anxiety about the past or future
Blaming others for our present state, or
Justifying what we have done
How strange that our mind is never in the present! The present is all there is, so be in it!
Being your true self is about ending all pretension. As long as we are worried about what others think of us, we are owned by them. It is only when we require no outside approval that we really become ourselves.
We forget that our thoughts are like seeds, which create our tomorrows. We have also forgotten that our minds are interconnected to the minds of others and our thoughts influence them. When our thoughts about others are positive, they influence others to be good to us.
When our thoughts are of one kind, words and deeds of different type, there is total disharmony in the body, mind and spirit. This disharmony is the cause of all trials and tribulations, disease, for example. Therefore, if we want to change the world around us, then we ought to change our thought patterns. Easily said, but hard to do. It's a worthwhile struggle though, it can be done.
We spend most of our time and energy on the material world while ignoring what's going on inside. Once we start spending more time in the inner world, our need to control other people and possess objects naturally reduces.
The process isn't difficult to begin: take some time each day to sit and take stock of yourself. More than a few minutes. Don't multi-task.Come to a place of stillness, focus on your breath. When any thoughts or feelings come up, return your focus onto your breath.
When we learn to live in the inner world, we can see all as equal, where we can love and embrace all. From this place we can be truly unlimited and powerful.
For more information on meditation take a look at this site:
Swami Suddhananda on Meditation
Living Meditation: A Journey Beyond Body and Mind by Radha Soami Satsang Beas
Meditate by Swami Muktananda
Baghwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba is a highly praised humanitarian, philosopher and religious figure. His teachings focus on finding purpose and joy through love and compassion. The Sathya Sai Organization runs many schools, hospitals in India and abroad; the organization's website is available at radiosai.org. For Swami's 85th birthday on November 23rd 2010, the organization posted 30 videos of Sri Sathya Sai Baba's recent speeches and discourses. I’ve studied these teachings and here's what really resonates with me regarding our society.
The secret of life is to live a life of purpose. Take the internet, it has been the greatest blessing of modern times, but it has also been misused. There are numerous stories each year about addiction (especially with video games) and crimes related to internet use. This obsession has ruined physical and psychological health of many people, who lose bonds with the real world. Take social networking, often this amounts to wasting time by telling people about things which are not necessary. Finding purpose and real accomplishment in life is the goal.
The secular and spiritual aspects of our society are at an impasse. Public education is entirely focused on math, history, and other academic skills. However there is little focus on wellness and spiritual (not necessarily religious) well being. Also lacking is basic nutritional education, which has left much of the West hooked on TV dinners and junk food. Worldly knowledge is not enough, it needs to balanced with holistic knowledge.
Balance is: being in the world, but retaining sense of purpose. Why are we tiring ourselves out with trivial pursuits instead of searching for deeper accomplishment? Hardly anyone is truly happy. Almost everyone suffers from anxiety, depression and fear.
The solution is: to live in the world passionately. Facing the daily challenges which we need to overcome in the most harmonious way. Who said that life is a bowl of cherries?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where everything seems to be fine on the outside, but where you feel lost and lonely on the inside? You are together, you have children, friends and family and still the core connection with your mate is missing. You are just going through the motions. Somehow the one you’ve built your marital foundation with is not there for you on an emotional level. After years of discontent and miscommunication, you wonder if you’ll ever be able to re-capture the joy of attachment, bonding and closeness with your partner.
When couples first come in, they are often pretty distraught and fed up with the cycle of attack and withdrawal. It's a vicious cycle which they can't break out from. This cycle is natural and common. One partner becomes increasingly demanding and clingy, unintentionally pushing the person away. They wonder: Do I continue living this way or do I call it quits now?
There is a third option: To repair, refresh and renew your relationship now with your partner. When a therapist becomes involved, their role is to listen carefully and find out where the couple has gotten stuck. Resolving the emotional disconnection will help the couple much more than quick fixes for the problem of the week.
If you are in a troubled relationship, and feel it is time to involve a counsellor, it is time to discuss it with a professional therapist.
Have you ever wanted to ask your partner:
Do I matter to you?
Can I count on you?
Are you there for me?
This is what most couples deep down inside want to ask. When you feel your needs are not being met or communication is breaking down then it may be time to seek counselling together.
It’s not really about issues surrounding finances, the kids or sex (although these issues are important). What you really want from each other is a deep emotional attachment. You can fight, but how you re-connect after that is what makes a relationship last. Staying emotionally connected even when you don’t agree with each other is paramount. The core issues behind every major disagreement will always come back to your own emotional needs, and everyone needs a safe place to work out those issues. Couples often bring their own troubled past into relationships. People who are drawn to each other seem to have ability to push each other's buttons. While this can lead to emotional turmoil, it can also be the place to heal your emotional wounds.
According to John Bowlby, “When we have a deep connection with a group of people, it changes how we feel in life". Isolation can be very traumatizing; we don’t do well alone, we aren't wired for it. The quality of relationships has a huge impact on the immune system. Oxytocin (a bonding hormone) is released when two people are emotionally close to each other. A lack of deep emotional bonding can in fact lead to some serious health issues.
When you feel you're growing apart from each other, like you have lost understanding and empathy with your partner, it's time to seek counselling. The role of the therapist is to lead couples into a deeper emotional bond, by creating a safe place in the therapy session for couples to work out their issues. With both of your participation, within a few sessions, you can work towards being heard, understood, and turning each other's company into a refuge rather than a war zone.
Next week, I will look closer at the cycles that couples go through and the role of the therapist in helping them move forward.
I started my previous blog, quoting Dada Vaswani’s 9 principles of success. Today, we will expand on the first principle: "Nothing in life brings about failure more surely than lack of integrity.”
What is integrity? Integrity (utter sincerity, honesty and candor) is telling the truth the way you perceive it, living with a clear conscience, knowing that whatever you say and do is according to your inner truth.
Have you noticed how you feel when you have said or done things that were not true and honest? For example:
Did your heart rate go up?
Did you have butterflies in your stomach?
Did your thoughts keep turning over and over the same incidence?
Did you have shallow breathing and a dry mouth?
If so, what impact do you think this may have on your physical and emotional health? Perhaps a detrimental effect? If so, then for health reasons alone, it would be a good idea to stick to the truth. The other reason could be: what if I were “found out?”…how would that make you feel ... ashamed perhaps? The feeling of shame can bring about feelings of guilt and low self esteem which may make you feel worse about yourself and bring you into a downward spiral.
In the end it seems that only negative consequences can be the result of lack of integrity. So we may want to ask ourselves: “is it really worth it?”
The way I approach a client with this issue is by exploring what is blocking them from telling and perhaps perceiving the truth. Once we know what the blocks are, we will proceed to explore the discomfort of avoiding the truth. From there we will continue to explore what the best way would be for the client to tell the truth at their own speed and comfort level.
Another time we will approach the topic of: When you give to the world the best you have, the best will come back to you.
Dada’s simple answers on his nine steps for success:
Do only that which you feel is right and true. Nothing in life brings about failure more surely than lack of integrity.
Do your best each day. Let this be the motto of your life: “only the best is good enough for me”. When you give to the world the best you have, the best will come back to you.
Fully trust in the divine wisdom that designs and orders the scheme of things.
Plan for today. Budget your time. The truly successful man fits 26 hours into a day of 24, cutting down waste. Take care of every moment of your life.
Begin the day right! Wake up each morning, full of hope and expectation.
Never give up. Persistence is the law of success!
Tact is better than talent.
Stay young all your life. Age is a state of mind.
Reach out to others. You succeed in the measure in which you help others to succeed.
Because my family knows how much I admire Dada Vaswani for his spiritual thinking and being they sent me his book “Dada Answers - Questions you have always wished to ask" (Gita Publishing House, Pune, India). The impact that this humble man, with the tale of love and compassion for all living things, has on people, is impossible to measure. He is highly regarded amongst his peers and has spoken at the UNO on universal peace and has been the recipient of several honors, including the prestigious U Thant Peace Award.
When I read the book I was amazed how the author addresses answers for complex life issues in such simple manner and language. Simple concepts, but often difficult to tackle on your own, it is almost as if one would benefit from a To-Do-List, and Dada Vaswani shares with us his 9 steps for success in life. Over the next few weeks we will explore each of these points in more depth.
Next week we will discuss the first point: do only which you feel is right and true.
Holistic psychotherapy promotes an integration of wellbeing on the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level. When all these three aspects reach their peak, then there is harmony and a sense of wellbeing in a person. In the process of moving towards this "perfection" we evolve in an upward spiral of order and then chaos to a higher level of order through chaos or disease to an even higher level, etc.
Chaos is a stepping stone from one level of order to the next higher level. Everyone experiences this, whether or not they are conscious of it. Each new level of order is a new level of health (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual).. It may be a combination or all of them. Chaos only becomes a disease when we get stuck in the chaos without breaking through to a higher level of order. We might say to ourselves: "this does not feel good," or "maybe something is out of synch".
When we become "stuck" within a chaotic pattern, without learning or evolving through it, that’s when we disrupt our natural energy flow, creating stress and disease. Order-chaos-order happens on a regular basis. It is a cycle that can be used to help us evolve. Chaos is one of the biggest teachers. Most people’s lives have a certain amount of chaos each day and our response can be constructive or destructive.
As a therapist, I help people to break through the chaos to a higher level of peace and serenity. The method I often use: Focusing, is a way of getting to the core of the issues and then gently transforming the obstacles.
Look out for the next post where I will elaborate on the method Focusing further.
In an attempt to find happiness, we often tend to increase the complexity of our lives to a point of no return. For example: BlackBerries, iPods, Facebook, Twitter, cell phones etc…keep us occupied almost all day (and night).
We seem to be relying on outer stimuli to have some meaning in life, to find some importance in ourselves, to fill the emptiness within. As if, without the outside stimuli, the silence would be deafening to us.
Is there a fear that if we are on our own, without the outer stimuli, that we may be forced to get our inner stimuli going? Fear to look within of what we may or may not find? Fear of knowing your inner self is quite natural; often we think that there are “monsters” hidden in there, because we may not have positive feelings about ourselves.
We can take ourselves gently by the hand and find a peaceful place within, where we can make some space to experience our true inner beauty. You can try to see yourself as a little vulnerable, innocent child. Now you can, as the grown up and wise adult embrace and comfort the child and give it all the love it needs. Getting to know your true self is what may give you inner peace.
As a therapist, I guide people to find their peaceful place and from there to discover what is standing in their way to overcome their "blocks".
- Relationships destroyed
- Finances in the pit
- Health issues
That’s when you may need an overhaul of your life. When problems become overwhelming, then this a signal that major "repairs" of your soul need to be done, even a complete renovation.
First, sit back and ponder:
- Where did things go wrong?
- How do I overcome this?
At this time an inspection / introspection of your soul is needed.
It may be a good idea to sit quietly by yourself, close your eyes and focus your attention within, on your breath. Without judging yourself, look at the picture of your life and just observe what you see in a detached manner. Take some deep breaths. If you find yourself caught up in your emotions, re-direct your attention to your breath. Try to look at yourself with empathy and compassion and embrace the inner you, with all of your positives and negatives. Imagine the love you have for a small child (your child or grandchild) and transfer that love to the inner you. Feel a sense of unconditional love for the inner you.
When you have achieved a sense of calmness, then you are ready to start dealing with your issues one by one.
When you find yourself in a challenging situation, whether its personal, relationship/marriage or career/business, you may think about seeking some professional help. Especially when your friends are tired of listening to your repetitive stories and you find yourself alone and in the dark.
At this time you may ask yourself "who can I find who has a holistic approach to therapy, incorporating body, mind and spirit?" and "whom I can relate to?"
The next question will be: "how am I going to afford it?" Although therapy is an investment in your wellbeing, whereby you could probably work more efficiently and make more money. What price can you put on your optimum emotional health and happiness?
One source of coverage which is often overlooked is the extended health coverage by insurance companies such as The Great-West Life Assurance Company: Individual products: Counselling and Support Services: helping individuals, families and business owners plan for their financial security. It takes one phone call to your insurance company to verify that your plan covers you for psychotherapy by a registered social worker.
At each session a receipt is issued which can be submitted to you insurance company for re-imbursement. When you call me for a free confidential 15 minute consultation all of the above issues can be discussed. I can be reached at 416-769-6810.
Ganga Daryanani, RSW
"Inner richness is the source of outer abundance"
Psychotherapy - Holistic Counselling - Coaching