The 3 Keys to Creating Intimacy

Do you long for love, acceptance and connection, but don’t know how to create it? Intimacy can get lost when we forcefully to pull it toward us.

In creating intimacy, communication is paramount, but any related issues can often be misinterpreted. Often times, the communication issues have more to do with a self-awareness problem. They are in touch with their anger, blame and perceptions of their partner, but not connected to the tender feelings and longing beneath the criticisms and accusations. They are not skilled at communicating their authentic experience in a sensitive and respectful way.

There are three keys to creating intimacy in any relationship:

1. Authenticity

When we are authentic, love and intimacy have a much greater opportunity to grow. The evasion of our feelings through emotional defense mechanisms drives people away.  Authenticity requires us to tend to our feelings and experiences, allowing us to open up and be vulnerable to our partner. Being authentic means to take the elevator down inside ourselves in order to notice whatever we are currently experiencing.

2. Focusing

Anger, blame and analyzing others often mask the sadness, fear, shame and longing to connect in a deeper way. Founded by Dr. EugeneGendlin, Focusing is a method of getting in touch with your felt inner experiences. Rather than speaking from the rational mind, individuals delve into their deeper emotions, getting in touch with their genuine feelings.

3. Application
Emotional transparency is conducive to intimacy. Taking the time to uncover your authentic feelings and conveying those feelings verbally to your partner helps couples to develop deeper connections.

Finding the courage to contact and convey this deeper experience with the help of a couples therapist is the key to resolving conflicts and creating the climate for richer, more vibrant intimacy.