Showing posts with label talking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label talking. Show all posts

Friday, April 3, 2015

Golden Years - Time to Reconnect


Ah, it’s finally here!  Kids have moved out and doing their own thing.  You knew this time would come.  All your ideas to renovate the house, go on long overdue trips, relax and enjoy the house without interruptions!  Yes!  It’s now ‘our time’.

You've been together for over 25 years! Gone through all the ups and downs of raising your children.  Worked so hard to give your kids the best education and opportunities possible. 

But who’s that person sitting across from you at the kitchen table?  Their face is familiar, so is their routine.  For over 25 years you've lived with this person.  But do you really know your partner?  Not really. 

How could this have happened?  How can you live with someone for so long, and when it’s just you two sitting at home – you haven't a clue what to say? 

Where did your relationship go?  Often we get so focused on the details of living, raising a family, preparing the kids for life, that we forget to put quality energy into our marriage relationship.  At the end of our work day we’re cooking, driving the kids to their after school events, helping them with homework, laundry (and the list goes on) we were just too tired to even notice that we didn't spend quality time with each other.  

You stopped talking about what was important to ‘us’.  In fact, there is no ‘us’.  You forgot to safeguard your relationship. You stopped sharing your dreams, or even having them!  You stopped talking, sharing and having fun together.

So here you are.  Sitting across from your long-time partner with nothing to say.  Worse yet, no idea how to begin.  But begin you must, because you want this time in your life to be exceptional!   You both worked so hard to get to this point.  

Yes, it’s that empty nest syndrome.  Never thought it would happen to you, but it has. 

So what should you do?  How do you proceed?  You’ve taken the most productive step forward by searching for help. 

I understand what you're experiencing and I will help you and your partner reconnect emotionally.  It’ll be better than dating!



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Stop Obsessing: My Five Suggestions


Have you ever found yourself going over and over the same issue in your mind? It can feel like a train going downhill with no brakes on. You can’t seem to gain control of yourself.

1. Focus on the lesson learned. Every situation we go through has the potential to teach us something. Think about what you are obsessing about and see how to use it to improve yourself. For example, if you are ruminating about a mistake you made at work, think about steps you can take to make sure the same mistake doesn’t happen again. By looking at how you can improve, you begin to focus on the positive aspect of the situation rather than the negative.

2. Use a journal. Writing down your thoughts, especially about events that have not yet happened, can help you gain control over your ruminations.

3. Write down pleasant thoughts. Sometimes your thoughts need specific direction. You may list things like an upcoming vacation, going out to dinner with your partner. Make sure your list includes situations you are looking forward to or pleasant memories.

4. Behavioral techniques. For some people, snapping a rubber band on your wrist every time you have an obsessive thought may help.

5. Talk about your worries with a trusted friend or relative. Often, when we talk it out, we can begin to see it from a different perspective. This can help you find options for solving your problem.

However, if your obsessive thoughts are interfering with your daily life, it may be time to talk with a professional therapist.