Eight Ways To Stay Connected During Social Distancing

 

"The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next."

Mignon McLaughlin

 

In these days of COVID-19, social distancing is critical. To help prevent the virus from spreading further, everyone must do their part to avoid physical contact with others. While you need to adjust your normal routine, writer Jamie Friedlander says you can still stay connected to others during this time of isolation. 

In this issue of Promotional Consultant Today, we share Friedlander's guidance for staying connected to others.

1.    Talk to one friend each day. Be sure to reach out to one family member or friend every day. While GChat and texting are perfectly acceptable, Friedlander says it's even better to hear someone's voice on the phone or see them through FaceTime. "You don't need to meet anyone to feel connected," says Viktor Sander, a social psychology consultant with SocialPro. "It's all about reciprocally opening up to each other, sharing experiences and making the other person feel heard. And that's something you can do over the phone or internet."

2.    Send someone you love a handwritten letter. Grab a notecard you have lying around and send a handwritten note to a family member or friend on your mind. Not only will the letter brighten their day, but it'll likely spark a conversation once they receive it in the mail, says Friedlander. 

3.    Foster connection with those in your home. It's challenging being confined to our homes. To prevent the spread of COVID-19, we must avoid meeting friends for dinner or hanging out with co-workers at happy hours. Friedlander says it's easy to think of what we're missing out on, but we must also remember what we're gaining through this unexpected time at home. Take time to strengthen relationships with those in your home, whether you're spending time with your kids, a significant other or a roommate.

4.    Reach out to friends who have depression or anxiety. Social isolation is hard for everyone, but especially for those facing anxiety or depression. Friedlander recommends texting friends and family members to let them know you're thinking of them. Even if you don't get a response, don't stop reaching out. When it comes to your anxious friends, Friedlander says it's important to avoid talking about anything coronavirus-related that will worsen their anxiety.

5.    Have a family member read your child a bedtime book through FaceTime. If your children are used to more social interaction with family members and friends, Friedlander suggests having one of their grandparents, aunts or uncles read them a bedtime book from afar.

6.    Host a virtual watch party with friends. To keep your spirits up and stay connected from afar, try watching a show or movie with your friends. Through Netflix Party, you can stream a show at the same time as your friends. Then, do a group video chat once it's over to talk about it. If you're not in the mood to binge-watch a show, try hosting a virtual book club instead.

7.    Stream a class. For many, daily socialization involves not only chatting with co-workers and spending time with family and friends, but also heading to a barre class or a running club. Keep the socialization alive through a virtual class. Many fitness studios have begun offering remote exercise classes, so hop online and see what's available.

Social distancing and social isolation can feel uncomfortable, especially when you're used to being around lots of people in your day. Whether you're spending time in solitude or you're working while caring for your family at home, look for ways to reach out to others. Aim to do something each day that keeps you connected to the world outside.

 

Compiled by Audrey Sellers

Source: Jamie Friedlander is a freelance writer based in Chicago and the former features editor of SUCCESS magazine. Her work has been published in The Cut, VICE, Inc., The Chicago Tribune and Business Insider, among other publications.

Stop Obsessing: My Five Suggestions

Have you ever found yourself going over and over the same issue in your mind? It can feel like a train going downhill with no brakes on. You can’t seem to gain control of yourself.

1. Focus on the lesson learned. Every situation we go through has the potential to teach us something. Think about what you are obsessing about and see how to use it to improve yourself. For example, if you are ruminating about a mistake you made at work, think about steps you can take to make sure the same mistake doesn’t happen again. By looking at how you can improve, you begin to focus on the positive aspect of the situation rather than the negative.

2. Use a journal. Writing down your thoughts, especially about events that have not yet happened, can help you gain control over your ruminations.

3. Write down pleasant thoughts. Sometimes your thoughts need specific direction. You may list things like an upcoming vacation, going out to dinner with your partner. Make sure your list includes situations you are looking forward to or pleasant memories.

4. Behavioral techniques. For some people, snapping a rubber band on your wrist every time you have an obsessive thought may help.

5. Talk about your worries with a trusted friend or relative. Often, when we talk it out, we can begin to see it from a different perspective. This can help you find options for solving your problem.

However, if your obsessive thoughts are interfering with your daily life, it may be time to talk with a professional therapist.

How Clean Are Your Windows?

A young woman saw her neighbor hanging the wash outside.

"That laundry isn't very clean," the young woman said to her husband, "She doesn’t know how to wash clothes, maybe she needs better laundry soap." Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

A month later, the woman was surprised to see nice clean laundry on the line and said to her husband, "Look, she finally learned how to wash! I wonder who taught her".

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life.

What we see when we look at others depends on the window through which we look.

This is an e-mail I got from a friend and it struck me how true that is for all of us. How clean are your windows? Most of carry carry some dirt from the past, which causes biases and judgement. How do we clean our windows? By getting rid of the past issues blurring your lenses.

Forgive all the people that you hold a grudge against, whether they were wrong or not.

Just repeat the following 4 sentences:

I am sorry

Please gorgive me

Thank you

I love you.

These 4 sentences are quoted by Ihaleakala Hew Len, Phd. You may find amazing results when you repeat these 4 sentences all day long. Try it out, I am interested in your results.

How to Overcome Negative Thinking Through Psychotherapy

Picking up a newspaper or turning on a TV is all it takes to see all the negativity in our world. It is easy to become fixated on negative thoughts.

The negativity can be divided in 3 aspects.

1. world events

2. friends and family

3. ourselves

After the recent death of Osama Bin Laden, people were celebrating in the streets with champagne. Think what you like about Bin Laden, it is certainly a strange thing to celebrate the death of anyone so joyously. Add to this the obsession with seeing photos of his body, it makes for an extremely morbid state of being.

The recent earthquake in Japan, massive flooding in New Zealand, Missouri, and Manitoba, the list goes on. How can it not affect you in a profound way to see so much human suffering played out through the media? Especially now, as massive amounts of video and photos are broadcast on 24 hour news networks, making the violence and strife in our world more visible than ever.

When other people around you are negative, you can easily be drawn into their vibrations and react negatively. So not only can direct conflict cause stress, but strife between others in your social circle or family also causes harm to you. Also, serious impact can be made by someone in your life who is either extremely negative, or is unhealthy.

Last but not least, your own inner feelings of low self-worth, of guilt, anxiety, depression or anger, while all byproducts of the outer world and of your past, stand as the ultimate barricade trapping you in a cycle of negativity.

What can you do to navigate through all this negativity and come through smelling like a rose? Take the lotus flower for example, it sits on muddy water, but is not touched by it; it has a waxy substance on its petals and nothing can touch the surface, the dirt just rolls off.

While it is good to have a relationship with the events and people around you, it can become quite unhealthy to be completely at the mercy of circumstance. A layer of protection and confidence is necessary so that your inner purity and stability remain unaffected by outside influences. Otherwise, you no longer own your own feelings.

Regarding the world news: one strategy is simply to not listen to it all day long. To know what is happening, but not get engrossed in it; to balance your life with other positive thoughts and actions.

With people around you, it is so important to check your own emotions: are you criticizing the other person in your mind, do you think you are better than they are? If you do, realize that this is an action of your ego. Listen to the other person and hear their point of view, and appreciate their value, even if you don’t agree with them. You can't change or control others but you can change your attitude and response. Through your demeanor some form of communication may even arise. Allowing a build up of negativity destroys communication, and creates bigger problems which are difficult to sort out.

Overcoming negativity within oneself is often a big challenge. It is so easy to stop loving yourself when you judge, criticize or blame yourself for events in your life or even for the way you are (personality, appearance). However, whenever you notice these negative thoughts coming up, it’s important to stop them and focus on who you really are: a worthwhile person, who was born whole and complete, with qualities of purity, peace and love.

If you can spend some minutes in silence every day, focusing on these positive qualities, just letting your mind detach from all negative thoughts, then you can value who you truly are and move outside the cycle of negativity that pulled you down. Make sure that your words and actions reflect your self-esteem.

When we lack self-esteem, we seek it from the world outside, which is often denied. Only when you generate your own self-respect, can you earn respect from others. Being with positive thoughts makes wallowing in negative thoughts much less appealing. This has a great impact on you and the people around you.

Am I Depressed? Top 13 Symptoms of Depression

I often write about treatments of depression, anxiety, etc....but how do you even know it when you or your loved ones are depressed?

What follows are the somewhat ominously numbered thirteen top symptoms of depression, If you or a loved one is experiencing one or more of the below symptoms, then you may consider getting some help.

1. Loss of Appetite: Going the whole day without eating for a few days in a row or more than one day in a week.
2. Overeating: Eating unhealthy food whenever you are feeling anxious, upset, angry or after something bad happens.
3. Sleep Problems: Sleeping too much or too little. If you are sleeping more than 12 hour or less than 2 hours per day. You can alternate between these symptoms.
4. Lack of Energy: Running out of energy very early in the day. Feeling lethargic.
5. Low Self Esteem: Feeling that you are not worthwhile; believing that you are inferior physically or intellectually.
6. Loss of Motivation: Uncaring. Not motivated to take a shower or make a meal or care for your family.
7. Poor Concentration. Focusing on the present is difficult as anxious thoughts are invading your mind.
8. Feeling Hopeless: Writing off all possibilities and opportunities as doomed from the start.
9. Lack of Sex Drive: Disinterested in all intimate contact, especially sex.
10. Social Isolation: Pushing others away or feeling uncomfortable around people. It may feel that you need others but that you have no one you can turn to.
11. Irrational/Emotional Outbursts: Finding yourself getting angry or upset often. If this is happening regularly, then some of it is irrational or misdirected.
12. Disregarding Responsibility: Abandoning anything that causes stress, including people, your job, social responsibilities, etc...
13. Substance Abuse: Repetitive or overuse of alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs, etc. Particularly as a way to cope.

In the past there was a stigma attached to depression and therapy. Now it's very common to seek help before it becomes more serious.

Do We Make Our Destiny?

Destiny is the past creating the present. You might say to yourself: “I'm just destined to be overweight/unhappy/victimized/destitute/alone forever”, but these are actually the results of life choices you've made. It's never too late to make a change.

Repeating poor actions without considering the consequences causes your body to develop unhealthy habits. However, you are not destined to be anything except what you’ve made of yourself through past and present actions. Many of these behaviors are reactions to past trauma and/or coping habits that don't address the issue.

Each morning when you wake up you make a plan that you never follow through on. Somehow you get overwhelmed, or at the end of the race, you find that you never really wanted the prize in the first place. It's time to breathe, take a look at your life, and see that you're on a course for self destruction. If you have stumbled and fallen you can always get up, dust yourself off and continue on a different path. No matter what your present state is, you can change through self control, discipline and altering the way you think.

There are many examples of great men and women who have overcome their personal demons. In his youth Mahatma Ghandi had tremendous anger management problems, prior to his renown as a pacifist, he was actually a very violent man. Terry Fox overcame amputation and mounting health concerns to run his marathon of hope. Usually those who achieve great things also suffer great failures, but they refuse to be trampled by them. You don't have to achieve your country's independence or run across the country on one leg; small steps can turn your life around.

And if you're still having trouble changing your thoughts, check back next week.

Who Looks Outside Dreams, Who Looks Inside Awakens

In the Eastern philosophy, the world we live in is considered “Maya” illusion. All the world is a stage, and we are merely actors. Wearing a costume, we interact with others who are also wearing their own costume. It’s only when we take off this costume that we come face to face with the core of our identity.

The journey in life is to be aware of who you are under all of the costumes at all times. In an ideal state, this core ought to include feelings of openness, love, acceptance, and self-fulfillment.

When we meet obstacles on our way, we usually see them as issues to “overcome” or alternatively we can say to ourselves: “What do I need to change within myself so that I can deal with this in the most harmonious way”. In this way problems become golden opportunities to evolve into a better person.

That’s why relationships are so great; they place a mirror in front of us, showing us where we stand on our path.

Can you guess what happens when you make a shift within yourself? The behavior of others people changes automatically. In a situation where the victim/controller dynamic occurs, a change of mindset from the victim will result in the controller also making a shift. The controller now needs to look for another button to push. This continues until all the buttons are released, which means that you’ve taken great steps forward on your (hopefully mutual) journey of personal growth.

At times when the issues seem too big to handle, finding a therapist who can provide a safe, non-judgmental place to look into that mirror; assisting you in a gentle way to have the courage and confidence to make the changes needed. Initially, you may only be able to take baby steps, not sure what is inside of you (like being afraid of the dark) only to discover there is no monster there.

Once you discover that it is not so scary, you can speed up the process, until you can love yourself unconditionally. Only when we love ourselves, can we love others. Then it’s not “I want some-one to love me so that I can feel good about myself”, but “I love myself and want to be with someone who also loves her/himself.” That becomes then a journey of growing and evolving together, when partners can help each other to transform; knowing the darker side of the other and still not running away, but working to get to the light.

If you’re the sort of person for whom mantras are effective, an excellent one can be: “I am love; I am perfect exactly the way I am.” The next step is also to see other people as love and perfect, which is a greater challenge.

How Do You Strike the Right Balance in Your Life?

Baghwan Sri Sathya Sai Baba is a highly praised humanitarian, philosopher and religious figure. His teachings focus on finding purpose and joy through love and compassion. The Sathya Sai Organization runs many schools, hospitals in India and abroad; the organization's website is available at radiosai.org. For Swami's 85th birthday on November 23rd 2010, the organization posted 30 videos of Sri Sathya Sai Baba's recent speeches and discourses. I’ve studied these teachings and here's what really resonates with me regarding our society.

The secret of life is to live a life of purpose. Take the internet, it has been the greatest blessing of modern times, but it has also been misused. There are numerous stories each year about addiction (especially with video games) and crimes related to internet use. This obsession has ruined physical and psychological health of many people, who lose bonds with the real world. Take social networking, often this amounts to wasting time by telling people about things which are not necessary. Finding purpose and real accomplishment in life is the goal.

The secular and spiritual aspects of our society are at an impasse. Public education is entirely focused on math, history, and other academic skills. However there is little focus on wellness and spiritual (not necessarily religious) well being. Also lacking is basic nutritional education, which has left much of the West hooked on TV dinners and junk food. Worldly knowledge is not enough, it needs to balanced with holistic knowledge.

Balance is: being in the world, but retaining sense of purpose. Why are we tiring ourselves out with trivial pursuits instead of searching for deeper accomplishment? Hardly anyone is truly happy. Almost everyone suffers from anxiety, depression and fear.

The solution is: to live in the world passionately. Facing the daily challenges which we need to overcome in the most harmonious way. Who said that life is a bowl of cherries?

Be in the World, Not of the World

In an attempt to find happiness, we often tend to increase the complexity of our lives to a point of no return. For example: BlackBerries, iPods, Facebook, Twitter, cell phones etc…keep us occupied almost all day (and night).

We seem to be relying on outer stimuli to have some meaning in life, to find some importance in ourselves, to fill the emptiness within. As if, without the outside stimuli, the silence would be deafening to us.

Is there a fear that if we are on our own, without the outer stimuli, that we may be forced to get our inner stimuli going? Fear to look within of what we may or may not find? Fear of knowing your inner self is quite natural; often we think that there are “monsters” hidden in there, because we may not have positive feelings about ourselves.

We can take ourselves gently by the hand and find a peaceful place within, where we can make some space to experience our true inner beauty. You can try to see yourself as a little vulnerable, innocent child. Now you can, as the grown up and wise adult embrace and comfort the child and give it all the love it needs. Getting to know your true self is what may give you inner peace.

As a therapist, I guide people to find their peaceful place and from there to discover what is standing in their way to overcome their "blocks".